Relationships can be hard, two completely separate people coming together can be a challenge. There are multiple scenarios that can cause a strain to a relationship, having different views and opinions is one of them.
One strain that has affected me the most is being disabled. Let me be honest here i haven't quite accepted yet that my body isn't the same as it used to be, heck it isn't the body most "normal" 21 year old's have but its me, and in time its something i will accept.
My Other Half, is absolutely amazing not only did he dive straight in with raising both my boys and treating them like flesh and blood he also dived right in with helping me. Its been a struggle mostly for me which is amusing because on honestly believed it would be so hard on David that he would run for the hills screaming.
But he didn't and he's still here. David comes over every day and some nights he stays, he helps me with so many personal things. He helps me in and out of the bath, that took a little getting used to 🤔 we are still trying to perfect the right way of picking me up without cradling me like a new born. David brushes my hair, gives me my tablets and even brushes my teeth when my wrist are too weak and painful to.
David does this with a smile, he never passes comment and he never judges me about it. But some days it does cause an extreme stress and strain, neither of us are perfect but we both have our own way of doing things. i have control issues when it comes to the way the cleaning gets down, but this isn't because i want to be controlling over it because in the grand scheme of things its nothing. It's because i have already lost control of my body and the way it works and the way it feels, i am vulnerable and i hate it and i cant accept it yet.
But i must stress being vulnerable is nothing to be ashamed of but we all process and deal with things differently, we all accept things in time. But it takes time.
Being in a relationship with a disabled partner.
Some take to this really well and others it takes time, a lot of this comes down to acceptance and i think that starts at a young age. when it comes to understanding and accepting all disabilities i believe its dependent on how you grow up. I guess im fortunate in a way my boys are growing up around my mum who also has ED's and other ailments, my little sister who is type 1 diabetic and myself. So this is their normal, they get curious and ask questions and that's a good thing acceptance and knowledge go hand in hand.
When in a relationship with an individual who is disabled, you can feel a lot of emotions and feelings. Finding where those feelings are coming from is a good starting point, then communicating with your partner alongside your support system if you have one. It can be scary for the both of you, you'll both feel useless at some point or another but these are all valid emotions and its hard. For myself no two days are the same,
One morning i could wake up full of energy, the next day i might not even be able to get out of bed. Confusing right? This is a prime example of one of the strains being disabled took on my relationship. David didn't understand it, but i expected him too but not even i understood it at that point, Looking back i now see that was me pushing him away and trying to hide my vulnerability. It took lots of talking to GP's, consultants, therapy
and just between the two of us to understand what was happening to my body. We got to the point where we are today, we are happy and we have more understanding of my conditions, i have more acceptance for my body. We still have our bad days, we still squabble over things such as how the dishes should be done or what needs to be prioritized after we are all up washed and dressed. We are not perfect but we are perfect too each other.
No relationship is the same, each relationship is a journey. Our journey is just a different road to yours. The one thing roads have in common. sometimes there will be bumps.
If you go this far thank you for reading! send me an email if there's anything you want me to have a go at writing about ❤❤